Just shoot me.

     There are many ways for a man to get himself into trouble in a relationship, but nothing will do him in faster than the question: How do I look? To imply that answering this question is anywhere close to as simple as it sounds would be dangerously oversimplifying the issue and issuing an open invitation to disaster. For the family man, however, answering this simple question can be one of the most consequential decisions he makes in a day.

     Lying doesn’t work too well if the other party knows you are doing it so the question “Do you want the truth” might as well be a suicide note. Most of us want the truth when we ask a question, and there are only a few who don’t feel good when complimented. That reality however doesn’t save us from being asked questions whose answer, on occasion, cannot be both true and complimentary.  In this respect, some days are better than others.

     Let’s say, just for arguments sake, it’s a bad day. You’ve woken up late and you have a lot to get done. Distracted, you jump up, rush to the bathroom and fling open the door. You are unprepared and defenseless when the trap springs. Already dressed she looks at you and drops the question on you like a ton of bricks. “Does this dress make me look fat?”

     Most men in this situation adopt an “Act Utilitarian” philosophy in this situation. Simply put: A blind man can answer this one.  “No baby, you look great.” You don’t even need to look up, you just spit it out like “Thanks” and “Welcome”. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant. You do it because it makes her feel good and expedites the situation. The consequences of any other answer could be disastrous. 

     However, there does exist the brave few that adopt a more “Rule Utilitarian” philosophy. These believe that the question, because it was asked, deserves an honest answer. The question for them is not the consequences of the answer, but more the difference between truth and lies. They are willing to accept the consequences of saying: “Yep.  You don’t want to wear that. Find something else.”  They take solace that they have told the truth and possibly even saved another from potential embarrassment. They also may show up late and sporting a black eye.

     My advice? Become a survivor.  A survivor thinks fast, and moves quick on his feet. I dodge those bullet like Neo in the Matrix and move on. “I always like the red one. Can you hand me a towel? I’m running late and am going to shower in the other bathroom so I don’t get in your way.” No answer, no lie, no hurt feelings and no black eye. You just grab the towel and just shut the door, and the case, on this ethical minefield.